Friday, June 10, 2016

Infertility Mind Games

Infertility can drive a person mad.

Did I take all my meds today?
Is my mucus good quality?
Are we having sex often enough?
Is this feeling like a chore?
Are we having sex too often?!
Choking down 14 pills
Did I chart this correctly?
Feeling: this is our cycle!
Counting, counting, counting the days
Surviving a pregnancy announcement
Wondering: is my diet holding me back?
Certain Saint's Feast Day: yes, a sign that this is our cycle!
Wondering: is this coffee delaying conception?
Berating: why can't I just stop eating carbs and drinking coffee?!
Deflated: this is not our cycle
Using sick time to get blood tested
Surviving another pregnancy announcement
Not hoping
Not hoping
Not hoping
Not hoping
Day before period begins: hoping
Cycle Day 1: furious with self for hoping